27 September 2006

In which all truly healthy relationships involve sleeping with other people

·                     Sep 27, 2006

In which all truly healthy relationships involve sleeping with other people

I think, in a way, a relationship which is truly healthy is one in which both people gain something concrete and positive and which would be difficult or impossible to find anywhere else, where neither person hurts the other (or at least not much and not often) and they appreciate each other. In this case, each person knows not only the others' value to them but also their own value to the other.
In this case, being comfortable in their relationship, being confident of their worth, then the partners other friendships are not a threat. While the feeling of jealousy may be inevitable, the thought of it is not and generally the two reinforce each other, like how seeing the blood somehow makes the cut hurt worse. So that it is not a matter of one relationship being "higher" or better, but, I think, in a way it is being comfortable with being in an open relationship (meaning, sexually, not emotionally or rather relationship-wise) is the best possible sign that you are ready for commitment. It is only if you trust the other person enough that you are ok (it will always feel a little uncomfortable but ok overall) with them sleeping with someone else, that you know that you are not with this person just for the sake of commitment.

People want security, and there is always the possibility for someone better coming along for one's partner - and perhaps in a way it is better to commit for its own sake, but perhaps it would be better to be with that person who is better. It's not really a question with a right answer. But if it is not a concern, certainly that is ideal and so perhaps no one who wants commitment should become committed.

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