28 July 2008

Constructive critism (your chance to say what you always thought, but were too polite to say)

  • Jul 28, 2008

Constructive critism (your chance to say what you always thought, but were too polite to say)

Several independent people have brought up in one way or another the concept of telling someone (specifically me) what one thinks may be wrong with them, and the idea that this would always be offensive and/or hurtful and that it would always be resisted.
Several people have suggested that perhaps it is best to let someone figure it out for themselves - no matter how long it takes, no matter how much negative things they may endure in the mean time.  Those "no matter"s aren't said explicitly, but it is inherent and unavoidable.

I realize and understand that many people have fragile egos.  I understand how any kind of negativity can be interpreted as an insult or personal attack.
So, as far as me interacting with others, I have been trying, and plan to continue to try, to apply that advice, and not give advise or opinions unsolicited.

I want everyone to realize that I am not like most people in some ways.
I do not have low-self-esteem issues.  If anything, I have high-self-esteem issues.  I have plenty of self-confidence. 
However, I do not think, and never have thought, that I am perfect.

I want, and try, to be as honest and objective about myself as I possibly can.
But, of course, being inside my own head, it is impossible to be totally objective about myself.

Sometimes I need help.
If not for a total coincidence, I would not EVER have come to the conclusion that I have some significant attachment issues of my own that affect how I interact with everyone in my life, "on my own".  It wasn't just "time" or "self-reflection" that brought me to understand this.  It was learning new information. 

If someone had told me about AD years ago, I might have been able to apply that knowledge, that self-understanding, and made a lot of different - better - choices.  (I don't blame anyone for that, RAD has only been recognized a few years, and officially adult RAD doesn't even exist.  This is just a hypothetical example)

My point is, unlike many people, unlike "normal" people, I don't take attempts at constructive criticism as a personal attack.
I want to learn and grow and be a better, kinder person. 

Sure, when I first hear something, maybe I'll be a little defensive if you manage to surprise me enough. 
More likely, I will listen, consider, and then tell you why I disagree, with out really feeling hurt.
I will ask you to elaborate, I will ask you for examples, I will try to understand.

I will take some time to think further about it, because I am a slow thinker.

I may still end up disregarding what you say if I feel and believe what you are saying is wrong.  But I still won't be upset with you for thinking it, or for saying it.


you!  reading this right now.

I want you to tell me what's wrong with me

Tell me what you don't like about me

Tell me in what ways I drive you friggen crazy sometimes

Tell me what neurotic or psychotic conditions I may have

Tell me about my character flaws, my faults, my weaknesses, my vices

Tell me how I could do things better, or what you would like to see less of or more of in me in our interactions.

I don't promise to change, but I do promise not to hold it against you that you were honest.
In fact, if I don't get some harsh words from someone, that's gonna upset me!

You can send me an email if you don't want to post your devastating, cruel, humiliating, and downright mean comments in the comments section of a publicly viewable blog, least others see your comments and think poorly of you for having had the audacity to say such things in print even though it is what I asked for.

Yes, I am really serious.

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you ask a question, I will answer it.

NEW: Blogger finally put in a system to be notified of responses to your comments! Just check the box to the right, below, before you hit "publish"