06 July 2007

Dr Cox on love; heterosexual ManLove; and does enjoying performing fellatio make a guy gay?

  • Jul 6, 2007

Dr Cox on love; heterosexual ManLove; and does enjoying performing fellatio make a guy gay?

ok, first: I don't mean to imply any correlation what ever between the three topics.
They are totally independent, only there are overlapping themes, love without sex, sex without sex, love with love. Plus, the two clips are from the same show. And as a final pun, his name is "Dr. Cox" which in the context of this blog amuses me more than it should at my age.

I really like this show. Its rare that a show can be so utterly ridicules, and still catch the heart and make suckers like me cry now and then. The situations are often fantastic, the personalities blown to super proportions, the visual gags and gimmicks childish, almost surreal in a way, and yet the feeling in the relationships is believable - you get the feeling the writers have felt the way the characters do. Most of them, most of the time, under all the fun and, all basically unhappy people. And it isn't so hard to sympathize with Cox going back to his horribly dysfunctional relationship, to his deliberately psychologically abusive ex-wife. And you watch this; clearly he knows better. But sometimes, that's just how life is, and people are people.

Was it "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"? Yes, where the wife is jealous of her husbands relationship with his best friends, and he insists she corrupts the relationship they had by suggesting there was a sexual element to it. Maybe there really was, maybe there would have been in a more open society, and maybe neither. Bottom line, it shouldn't matter. Certainly part of the feeling of love evolved to coincide with sex, as a mechanism to hold a family unit together, to get us to care for our mates and young. But we are a social specie as well as one which mates long-term, and there is naturally love for family, for kin, for friends. It is perhaps our deeply internalized homophobia (and literally phobia, as in fear) which prevents more open man love, more heterosexual life-partners, (as a friend of mine explains his relationship with his roommate/friend). Because we assume that love implies sex, even though many of us can decouple the inverse. This subconscious internalization is so pervasive that even I, raised as I was my a openly bi former hippy, with my gender-neutral mind (according to the BBC / PBS online tests), and my liberal philosophy, am often made uncomfortable by the relationship between Turk and JD - not despite their both being hetero, but because of it. That makes it worse somehow, like I can accept homosexuality so long as its something *other*, but in that context, it makes me think abut my own male friends, and it becomes creepy.

Just like my third topic, which is sort of the inverse, but really just different.

I had mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought I might be able to learn to be rather good at fellatio, and that it was in a way unfortunate that I'm straight. She questioned whether enjoying giving head automatically makes a guy gay. My reaction was the same as yours - uh, yeah, duh, by definition! But then I thought about it a bit. The giver doesn't have to be stimulated. Not all pleasurable experiences are sexual. And not all sexual experiences have any thing to do with a meaningful or long-term relationship. Remove the assumptions, implications, expectations, and you have left only a specific oral / sensual experience. Plenty of oral fixations are non-sexual; cigarettes have their nicotine and gum has flavor, part of it is just the sucking and the chewing, not to mention toothpicks, and pacifiers. And besides the sensation, it may just be fun, or pleasant to give pleasure, like giving a massage, or a good meal, to someone, without wanting anything from it. Which may be key. Some people (even some Hells Angels) think a person can receive oral from a man without being gay. I never understood that. As the receiver it is unquestionably sexual, and the person stimulating you is another man. As giver it isn't necessarily sexual. You may not want the favor returned. You may not find the person attractive. I can tell a good looking man from your average ugmo, but that doesn't make me want to have sex with him.

Think of a similar example:
In general attractive guys are hard (not like that, silly, I mean from their big muscles). They tend to be hairy. Women, even fit ones, tend to be soft. If I were female, I imagine I would still find sensual pleasure in attending a Japanese soapland. And if your gonna have a slippery naked body sliding around you, it would feel a lot nicer if they are soft and smooth. So aside from the sexual aspect, a straight woman would likely prefer her soapland attendant to another female. Or a male athlete may prefer a male masseuse for his stronger hands. Its a sensual experience without being sexual.

One could be attracted to women, desire only to have sex with women, fantasize about women, have relationships with women, and separate from that, enjoy sucking cock now and then.
I have yet to test this theory. It makes sense, but its still creepy. I'm curios, but the grossness overwhelms curiosity. Maybe someday. Just to prove to myself that I can. Just to add to my repertoire of useless skills and random experiences.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll like it... after all, gay guys get way more sex than we do. Some times I wish I were gay for no other reason. I guess that won't really work, since I'm already in love with a female, and I want her to end up as my life partner. Well, its an interesting thought anyway.

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